Second Chances

by Fr. Jason Laguerta

Those who came to the church to celebrate mass today are the ones who said “yes” to the Lord’s invitation, and who followed through.  For surely, there were many others who also said, “Yes, I will go to mass,” but the pull of household chores was stronger, so they did not come, or perhaps the comfort of their bed was stronger, so they never left the house.  They said yes at first, but in the end, did not go.

In our lives as Christians and as members of a family, we all have experiences with people who are truly stubborn.  There are family members whose usual response to any request, or to something their mother or father asks of them, is simply, “No, I don’t want to.”  Children often seem to say, “No, no, no.”  And when we translate that into adult life, we realize that we encounter the same kind of people.  Their usual response is always, “No.”

And, indeed, It is very difficult to change people’s hearts and minds, which is the challenge presented in today’s parable in our Gospel.  The real question our Gospel poses for us is: How can people change?  How can those who are stubborn eventually become more reflective and discerning?  How can they come to see what is right and then choose to do it?

As we heard in the Gospel, it is easy to say yes, but much harder to remain faithful to that yes, like the younger son.  But yet, even those who were wrong at first can still change, which is what happened to the first son who initially said no but later changed his mind and went to the vineyard anyway.

I have seen this many times among young people who have made tragic mistakes.  Once, I gave a retreat to a group of college students, and during the retreat, I set aside time for individual consultations, although some did choose to go to confession.  What I cannot forget is that, out of about one hundred retreatants, five young women approached me for consultation, and all five admitted to becoming pregnant, which for me was unusual that at least five of them were facing teenage pregnancy and were planning to have abortions.

I tried, with all my ability, to persuade them not to do it.  I hoped they listened, although I could never verify what happened afterward.  I explained to them that while becoming pregnant outside of marriage was already a mistake, aborting the child would not correct that mistake – one mistake cannot simply be corrected by committing another.  They told me that it was hard for them to tell their parents because they assumed the parents will surely kill them when they find out.

Indeed, many people make mistakes, yet they are never given a chance to correct them nor be given the opportunity to make things right.  I suspected that some of those young women might have gone through abortion because their fear of their parents was stronger, despite me trying to convince them that while their parents would indeed be angry at first, eventually they would understand.  Again and again, I pleaded with them, “Don’t do it.”

That experience made me realize that maybe the biggest room we should build in every home is a room for improvement and change, a room where mistakes can be corrected and life can be put back in order.  For it is very common and normal that many young people make wrong decisions; they make poor choices and mistakes in judgment.  But in fact, it is not only young people; we, adults, make mistakes, too, and there are times when we commit one error after another.  Yet, time and again, God gives us the chance to change our situation by changing our lives, our decisions, and our hearts.

The parable of the two sons is a parable for all of us sinners.  St Augustine once said that there is no saint without a past, and there is no sinner without a future.  All of us are sinners, and through God’s mercy, we are given room to mend our ways, to find our path again, to stand up once more and move forward.  Because one mistake should not define us.  One error in judgment should not condemn us to a lifetime of pain and suffering.  Mistakes are part of life’s journey where time and again, we find ourselves lost and unable to find the right direction, which is all but part of the journey.

My interpretation of the parable is that the second son agreed immediately because he was afraid of his father; yet later on, he could not keep his promise.  Aren’t we often like that?  That to please people, we keep saying “yes, yes, yes,” but in the end, we leave them disappointed because we never follow through.  We simply tell people what they want to hear, even though we, ourselves, are not convinced of our own “yes.”  The other son made the mistake of disobeying his father at first, but then he realized what he did was wrong, so he tried to correct it, even if the damage has already been done.

The greatest room God gives us is not the room for perfection, but the room for change; the room for conversion.  We are weak, so many times we fail to commit, and many times, we doubt ourselves.  Yet the Lord constantly reminds us: “It can still be corrected.  Whatever mistake you made before can still be set right.”  For when you said “no” in the beginning, that does not have to define your life.  The mistakes you made in your youth do not have to determine the rest of your story, and because we all deserve a second chance.

Today, as we also celebrate Migrants’ Sunday, a day when we remember seafarers, migrant workers, and families with OFWs, we also pray for them.  Many mistakes and difficulties arise in migrant families, because parents are far away, spouses who remain behind, children who are left behind, and even the parents who leave can all struggle.

I once read a study about OFW families which says that only a small number manage to keep their family life healthy and intact.  While working abroad may bring economic prosperity, the other side of prolonged separation is often family breakdown.

And this one of the major realities schools face today.  As I have worked with Catholic schools through talks, retreats, and recollections, I have seen that around 80-90 percent of students come from broken families.  And “broken” can mean many things.  It can mean separated parents; it can mean parents working abroad for long periods; it can mean parents living in the province while their children study in Manila, so they rarely see one another.  And this results to young people today facing many situations where things are simply not going well and many aspects of their lives feel broken, causing deep pain and suffering.

If we ask what lies behind many mental health struggles among young people these days, the answer is often not poverty or lack of money.  The common root points to one thing: family; more specifically, the absence of love, acceptance, forgiveness, and understanding within the family.  Indeed, the problem is clear, and so is the solution, for we know where the wound begins.  Yet, we often explain the problem away, hoping it will resolve itself.

But problems do not disappear on their own.  Healing begins when people realize that change starts with them: by giving others room to change, by accepting people despite their mistakes and weaknesses, by forgiving one another, and by healing wounds through understanding and acceptance.  I often tell the young people who approach me about their family problems that their broken family does not have to define their future, but in reality, only if families can provide enough room for people who make mistakes and then help them set things right, perhaps our mental health struggles would not be so severe.

Today, let us pray, especially for young people and for migrant and OFW families.  May mistakes be corrected before it is too late.  That even if someone failed or made wrong choices at first, there is still the possibility of making things right in the end.

Because with God’s mercy, there is still time, there is still room, there is always hope.

Transcribed by Agnes Riel